Knowledge is powerful...far too powerful...

Knowledge empowers, but with great power comes great responsibility.
Once again, I have been burdened by knowledge, one of the worst I have faced...
May I fulfill this responsibility and bring this back to normal.
Once again, ignorance is bliss...

There is no context to this...

Am I pushing too hard at my limits?
Am I biting off more than I can chew?
Am I going to survive this entire thing?

I mean, I'm too deep to simply pull away from everything, aren't I?
Seems like there are still certain things which I can't get right,
or can't make any sense of.
I would come up with several optimistic hypothesis, only to be proven wrong by facts and deductions thereafter.
It would be lying to say that I'm totally unaffected by those,
and that I don't feel a pang of something when I see them.
Its almost like creating beautiful fluttering butterflies with your imagination,
then seeing them burnt by the fire of reality.
It doesn't hurt (I'm pretty much immune to pain already), but it does feel...strange I guess.
And looking at my recent results, I'm not even sure if I can get through prelims.
Yet, I'm still spending so much time on these matters...
But these things are beyond rationality, aren't they?
It almost as if the more discouraged I am, the more I want to persist on these.
Its like, the more I find it wrong to do it, it just naturally keeps coming back to me with even greater force...

Why am I doing this?
What do I expect to get out of this?
How do I control it?

What I'm doing is almost like...a magician.
Creating magic in the air, only to know himself that they are nothing but a facade.
But one day, the magic will vanish, only to leave behind cold, hard, bitter truths...

Thinking, thinking, thinking...

I'm not sure about others, but thinking has really been the most important aspect of my life.I'm not referring the thinking of studying and homework, but rather of life in general.
Sometimes, I would just put down whatever is on my hands to think about some matters that came across my mind,
which I deem are important.
It ranges from CCA to interpersonal relations to just pure extrapolation of the future.
Of all the schooling I have been through, I feel that this process of thinking has been the greatest skill I have acquired.

Firstly, what entails thinking?
I believe that thinking is about linking certain ideas already present in your mind
to come to a new logical understanding or conclusion about things.
For me, I usually don't "plan" to think about something.
It just happens that at times, my mind seems to unconsciously link up certain aspects of my life
and present me with a hypothesis,
more often then than not of which I would have the urge and curiosity to go into deeper thought.

Whats the thing about thinking then?
Some of you might or might not know, that I have at least a very basic understanding of psychology and inspection.
With something new to think about, I can make new deductions and interpretations of whatever I have seen,
hence giving me a trickle more understanding of how and why people behave in a way.
It has always been interesting to see what is found in books manifested into actions by people around me.

Yet, observation without thought is simply useless information.
Any other random person can observe, but not many can understand and even less can make the right deductions.
That's basically why society is in the terrible state its in now.
That aside, it is close to impossible to make the right deductions at first sight.
I'm sure we all agree that humans are complicated creatures, just take a look at ourselves to understand this fact.
That's where thinking comes in, where observations require thinking, rethinking, re-observations and ad infinitum.
We can never fully understand another person, that's a fact,
but we can gain a much better understanding by the process of thinking.

However, thinking can be a lead to unintended consequences too.
I believe that anyone that holds a certain array of critical information
would resonate with the very cliche quote: "Knowledge is power, but with great power comes great responsibility"
And as mentioned in previous posts, the scary thing about knowledge is that
it can never be fully erased from your memories in any way.
Anyone who have gone through great emotional trauma can testify to that.
This means that once acquired, this responsibility can never be shaken off.
The more you think, the more knowledge you gain, and the more responsibility lies in your hands.
That's such a heavy burden to bear, isn't it?

Another thing is, thinking does not equate to thinking right.
I myself have been humbled many times, having been proven wrong by more concrete observations and deductions.
Undoubtedly, thought influences action.
As such, having wrong understandings about certain matters
would lead to as acting inappropriately or seemingly indifferently on occasions.
That just leads to terrible consequences...

All said, given that actions are what defines a person and that thoughts drive actions.
it is not unreasonable to say that our thoughts are what defines us as an individual.
It is a process that can, with continuous refining and improvement, greatly empower us with skills and maturity,
for that is the very process that gave success to many of the greatest people of today.
I would really recommend leaving some buffer time for thinking each day, as and when you get an inspiration,
to delve deeper into oneself and think, for it really makes a world of a difference.

On Trust and Relations

Wanted to post about something else, but this is what's in my mind now,
so I'll just write on it.

Should we trust our friends?
I believe that the very notion of friends comes along with mutual trust.
They are not just closely linked, but cannot exist without each other.
I mean, how can two people be friends and share their true feelings if they can't even trust each other?

Once established, Trust is a beautiful thing.
It is where one can seek solace, freely express, and receive honest opinions.
It is where there is little or no fear of backlash, just resonance and understanding.
It is where happiness is spread, burdens are shared and friendships are forged.

Yet, how much can we trust our friends?
Trusting someone need not mean trusting someone fully,
and neither does it mean you are wrong by not doing so.
It is the element of choice,
of whether or not you deem the person trustworthy enough to be given your precious trust.
Many people do not fully comprehend this relationship,
which is why many of times one might feel a sense of betrayal,
for the trust that one valued so highly was dealt with much indifference by a friend.
It is like seeing what you hold so dear undervalued and abused, even if it is not intentional.
Painful...

That said, I believe it is a real responsibility as a friend to truly understand and appreciate how much trust is being placed on you.
Even though Humans are social creatures,
we do not tend to trust everyone and anyone.
It is in those rare moments that we do, when we sincerely hope out trust can be understood by others.
As the recipient of this trust, it would only be responsible that we show we deserve the trust placed upon us,
and take care not to abuse this precious thing in any way.
It is a tall task to begin with, and not every person might be able to achieve it given an entire lifetime,
but once we see the true meaning behind the label of trust,
it only becomes second nature.

Trust is like a glass sculpture, beautiful, precious and dear;
but also fragile and easily shattered without due care and respect...

Addressed to a Friend

This letter is addressed to a friend of mine, whom which we recently had a small misunderstanding.
Hope this helps ^_^

Nil

Had an epic fight with my parents yesterday midnight till this morning... I can only say, I need to move out soon.
Long time since I teared and got hit by a badminton racket.
Will update when I'm feeling more rational and when I have the time to.
Just feel blessed that you don't have parents like mine...
But maybe also deprived cos you'll probably never ever become as strong as me.