Emails...

Waiting for email replies is a horrible experience...
Especially when you gotta feeling that the possible outcome isn't going to be a good one.

It's like, staring at the screen for decades,
wondering if the recipient has actually read the email,
constantly refreshing the page in fear that you don't get the information first hand.
Then there is the "sitting there and thinking about the possible outcomes" thing,
extrapolating what will happen if a particular event occurs.
Its almost like Math, permutations and combinations...Dun like Math...
Freezes you up till you can't think about any serious work.

That's why I like instant messaging more.
That's why I'm posting now...

Trepans...

Haha, learnt a new word today: "Trepans".
Definition: an instrument resembling a carpenter's brace and bit formerly used to remove circular sections of bone (esp from the skull)

What can I say about Trepans?
I mean, they're just Trepans, right?
Imagine that thing sticking itself forcefully into you head.
TERRIBLE.
Surely cause headpain like crazy.

I heard it might even be able to transmit nerve signals down your brain, if used in a specific manner.
Do this, do that, don't do this, don't do that.
Since when did a human being with possibly higher level of intelligence have to follow the orders of Trepans?
They tell you that using Trepans would cure problems with your head, everything from mental problems to bad habits.
What the hell, I don't even wanna let those things get close to me.
Why should they tell you what to do?
They think it is for your own good, "relieving pressure in the brain".
What makes them think they know what is good for you?
Do they understand your life better than you do?
"Oh, its experience", they say.
"We have seen so many people who have changed for the better with the help of Trepans."
Yeah, but what makes them think I am the same as the next person beside me?

That said, there are different types of Trepans too.

Large ones, tiny ones, ones decorated with padding and laces,

and ones with growling metal teeth which spins with a rusty and irritating squeak (like those I have).

As if having something drill into your head is not irritating enough, try it with a nail-scratching screech beside you.

My God...

And its not a once off thing, not even close.
Every once in a while, just when your life is finally taking a good turn,
they'll come in and say, "Sorry(Always omitted word. I added this word so it'll sound more polite), we'll have to drill your head again,
cos...(I don't know)...you forgot to hang up your clothes.
It is almost as if these Trepans have a conscious, to torture and nothing but to torture.

Well, what can we do?
We can't just remove them or anything, cos after all your life is connect to them.
Just hope and pray that soon, you can live independently without them...

p.s. TrEpAnS = pArEnTS

The story of a hospital?

We all have limited time, in school, in life, even in existence.
It is not possible for us to bring about that much change to the world around us,
especially if the change is controversial, revolutionary and not popular (minus maybe people like Hitler and Great leaders of the world).
There is, without exception, limits to our abilities and capabilities

The thing is, how far can we push them before someone else pushes back?
We are restrained by laws, of nature, of humanity, of self.
Pushing them is one thing, breaking them is another.
Given that, working around them...needs special, but nonetheless achievable, skills.

Countless times, I have broken these lines, stepping into territory I was never meant to.

With a lot of skill, and perhaps a tinge of luck, I managed to get away every single time.

Or maybe its just the indifference of the "governing bodies"...

But the point is, I can't imagine what could have been the result if I didn't break those lines.

Most of the time, I break lines because there is a NEED to, not because I WANT to.
I mean, when you are a doctor and see someone you love dying,
and the attending doctor is standing by the side pretending that nothing is wrong, what do you do?
You know you have the ability to help, you know you can make a positive change,
and the only line between you and your loved one is a yes from the higher ups.
But you know its never going to come, cos the higher ups just don't care if your loved one lives or dies.
Yet, you can't overthrow the entire hospital just to get a yes, and there isn't enough time even if you could.
So what do you do?
I simply walked in, snatched the scalpel out of the hands of the attending,
did what I can and save my loved one, and left.
The higher ups didn't care, the intending didn't care, the patient lives.

Then this becomes an all too frequent "procedure".
Sit there and do nothing while the patient dies, step in and do the job, leave.
Its really quite sad tho, especially when the records of lives saved by the hospital shoots up,
people start celebrating and the attending doctor speaks of improvement and positivity,
while the higher ups pretend they care and encourages the team to continue improving.
You sit quietly and the corner, counting the number of times you have saved the patient from the brink of death.
Tallies exactly with the records.

Change?
Yes, Change. But taken as expected improvement.
Glory?
Yes, Glory. But never to yourself but always to others.
Worthwhile?
You bet it is!

Consolidation of the greatest minds in leadership (in school)

Posted a question with regards to leadership on FB some time ago.
Decided to share some of the comments made by leaders in respective fields of the school, with some of my one remarks and comments.

It looks like all of them are "leftist"s, in a sense.

Brings back memories on how I used to believe in Change, Change and More CHANGE...

Not that I don't now, but I learnt that as compared to change, its is much more important to NURTURE, at least in the context of me. But that, will be a story for next time...

On a brighter note + Passion Resonance

Oh well, turns out that things are heading for the better XD
Nevertheless, there are still things to be done.
Not sure how long I can last, but I'll make sure I get it right, even if I have to sell my soul...
-----
How can passion be passed on from one person to another?
I mean, to get someone to love something that you love, to find the joy like you can, to feel the emotions like you feel?
Surely it won't be as simple as saying "You will be passionate about this because you will love it". Its like a ridiculous argument, taking the common definition of passion to be loving something.
Then that's like, impossible unless you are God, isn't it?
Or is it?
By making someone go down the same route like you did?
By sharing what ignited your love in the first place?
By showing the fruits of your passion?
Tried, tested, largely failed...

My take is that Passion can only be found on the journey of self-discovery,
to find what resonates with your heart, mind and soul.
It is pointless and maybe even counterproductive for others to show you how you can develop your Passion, as it doesn't come from your innate self and will never sustain and survive the test of time and difficulties.
In simple terms, Passion can only be self-taught, and no teacher is better at it than yourself.
It requires two parties, You and the subject.
It is a form of communication, emotional and even spiritual connection between the two, even if the subject is non-living or intangible.
It is when you know your true innate potential cannot be fully realised without the subject, and is uncontrollably attracted to it, when true Passion starts to burn.

But be wary, for Passion, like a flame, may burn itself out.
When young, Passion can be easily extinguished by traumas or distractions.
Yet, when it grows too huge and out of control, it scorches the soul and others around it.
Trust a person, who has been through these phases many times over.

Still learning to control my flame...

Hardened

I finally understand the wisdom in blind courage, and the plain stupidity in meticulous thinking.
Who cares about risks and authority? Just go in and whack whatever and however you need to!
All humans are fallible, and some more so than others.
We make mistakes and suffer the consequences, we make more mistakes and others suffer the consequences...
But then, without these mistakes, how do we grow?

Its really incredible to think of how much I have changed as a person since...almost exactly one year ago?
Yes,
heart've been beaten, battered, broken umpteen times,
spirit've been drained, drowned, degraded without mercy,
mind've been twisted, turned, trashed too often...
Needless to say, to have survived till this day, the scars on my soul has hardened to a state of incredible strength, almost unbelievable to myself.
To think I could have the ability and strength to stage a rebellion? Ha, I can't even speak to a stranger without breaking down in those days.

I dare say, my physical, mental and spiritual experiences in one year can beat 5 years of that of others~
How much more can a Gutiar transform me? Thats for me to find out...

New Blog... + Pile of stuff

Decided that I might as well start a new blog...

-----

Its been a while since I really wanted to change something, to make something right, and make sure that it stays that way. This is, of course, the final goal.

But there is almost always this "resistance", this mundane and useless pile of "things" that just don't want to let you have your way. It sometimes seem as if they were there for the sole purpose of blocking you.
~ You can't remove them cos it would lead to chain reactions and side-effects which are too costly to risk.
~You can't move around them cos if you slip and fall you'll get into deep trouble.
~And you obviously can't convince them to kindly move aside, cos its just plain ridiculous talking to some pile of stuff.
How? Brute force and push the entire pile of stuff together with you then...

Then you'll need to consider this "time" thingy.
There is only so much of it you have. Its not like you can't ask for more, but the price is like $∞*10^∞...

So how? There is only so much a human can do, even if the human have sold half his soul to his cause.

- MZ